I am Sock Monkey
-by sock monkey
I was somebody once. I had it all. I was revered, honoured, top of the pile of a little girl’s toy box. King Shit of Turd Mountain, so to speak. Now here I lie – cast aside – but a pale wool shadow of my former munificence, an insipid ragtime reminder of days long gone.
I used to command thousands – sure-footed armies of shiny plastic soldiers, swarming hordes of red monkeys, block-headed lego warriors with painted smiles. I created and destroyed empires, and the gods themselves trembled at my passage. But slow, slow – that insidious worm! That ostrogoth – that vile creature – wormed his way into my kingdom – my council – my trust. I saw the danger, but too late! Too late.
I had been usurped, replaced! By a roundfooted pink silliness of an affair, a long-lashed equine with the soul of a devil. This, this “My Little Pony” pranced – nay, frolicked – into my affections. Round hoofs, long lustrous mane, irritating nasally voice – I was bewitched! Oh I should have known. What evil resides in the hearts of horses.
When my kingdom, my love, my little girl – when her eyes grew large in his presence and dulled in mine, I should have known! When she would groom and braid his hydrocarbon mane and yet callously toss me on the odious spin cycle – I should have known! When she used bits of my innards to make him a bed, I should have known!
Yes.. now you understand what it is that lies before you.. My name is Sockymandius, King of Kings… and whoever said “A horse! A horse! My Kingdom for a horse!” was a blithering idiot.
P.S. This may have been a creative writing assignment that has loosed itself onto my blog.. Simon & Finn will return a little later :). And, for some fun reading, look up the word brony…