I am Sock Monkey

I am Sock Monkey

-by sock monkey

sm2I was somebody once.  I had it all.  I was revered, honoured, top of the pile of a little girl’s toy box.  King Shit of Turd Mountain, so to speak.  Now here I lie – cast aside – but a pale wool shadow of my former munificence, an insipid ragtime reminder of days long gone.

I used to command thousands – sure-footed armies of shiny plastic soldiers, swarming hordes of red monkeys, block-headed lego warriors with painted smiles.  I created and destroyed empires, and the gods themselves trembled at my passage.  But slow, slow – that insidious worm!  That ostrogoth – that vile creature – wormed his way into my kingdom – my council – my trust.  I saw the danger, but too late!  Too late.


I had been usurped, replaced!  By a roundfooted pink silliness of an affair, a long-lashed equine with the soul of a devil.  This, this “My Little Pony” pranced – nay, frolicked – into my affections.  Round hoofs, long lustrous mane, irritating nasally voice – I was bewitched!  Oh I should have known.  What evil resides in the hearts of horses.

mlpWhen my kingdom, my love, my little girl – when her eyes grew large in his presence and dulled in mine, I should have known!  When she would groom and braid his hydrocarbon mane and yet callously toss me on the odious spin cycle – I should have known!  When she used bits of my innards to make him a bed, I should have known!

Yes.. now you understand what it is that lies before you..  My name is Sockymandius, King of Kings…   and whoever said “A horse!  A horse!  My Kingdom for a horse!” was a blithering idiot.


P.S.  This may have been a creative writing assignment that has loosed itself onto my blog.. Simon & Finn will return a little later :).  And, for some fun reading, look up the word brony